


The space between us

by stargarnet



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargarnet/pseuds/stargarnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected change to the friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The space between us

"Ugh!" Tess groaned as she walked in the door, heels clicking furiously on the timber, dropping her keys on the hall table. I lifted my head from the script I was reading, turning it toward the rustle of grocery bags.

"You alright, love?" I called from the couch. Anticipating the answer, I had already marked the page and was putting the document aside when, "What do you think?" was yelled in response. With a silent sigh I got up and wandered in to the kitchen to find out what my Tess, my best friend and flat mate, was in a mood about.

There she was, all five foot and a bit of brunette crankiness. A frown creased her brow as she determinedly emptied the grocery bags, moving from the kitchen table to the pantry with various items including an inordinate amount of dark chocolate. Not a good sign. I leant on the doorframe, arms crossed, waiting.

"Don't look at me like that, Samuel," she said tersely, not even glancing at me, continuing her very efficient decanting of groceries. I knew better than to even attempt to help her or even speak at this particular point in time. I valued breathing too much.

"I don't want to talk about it," she stated, gathering up the empty bags and stuffing them rather unceremoniously into our recycling bin. Straightening up, her back to me, she put her hands on her hips and exhaled deeply, head low. I held my position, knowing what would come next.

Her head snapped up suddenly and she took a deep breath in, spinning on her heel, facing me. No matter what she was doing, she moved like a dancer. We locked eyes. "Do you know what this wanker of a director has written into the script?" she demanded. My God she was so predictable. Before I could respond, not that I was actually expected to, she stepped toward me as she continued, "He wants me to snog someone!" her arms flailing in the air. Oh. Right. The play.

Tess, a semi-professional dancer, had recently been approached to choreograph and dance in a play based on the story of Salome. She wasn't playing Salome but was dancing alongside, and teaching, the actress who was. Tess had never done anything like this before. She had always listened to my stories of what went on to get a production together, given me massages when my body ached and cuddles when I was so frustrated with a director or fellow actor that I would be in tears. She had run through scripts with me, celebrated my successes and picked up the pieces on the failures. She knew what was involved, but had never experienced it. She wasn't an actress. I was hoping that everything was going to run smoothly. I know, optimistic wasn't it?

"Did he tell you why?" I asked, myself wondering. Hands started to wave about as she responded, "Oh, something about wanting me to look more integrated into the story rather than looking like I am there just to dance."

Considering this, I suggested, "Not such a bad idea really, love."

Hands returned to her hips a look of disbelief on her face, "Pardon?"

Oops, said the wrong thing.

"Tess, it makes sense," I countered as I approached her, my hands open, "for your character to just dance and not actually play a proper role in the story could make it appear disjointed, like something is missing," taking her hands as I finished. She looked into my eyes, "But I..." her face screwing up. She looked down at her feet.

"What, Tessy?" Something was clearly bothering her.

"I, ugh, it doesn't matter," she sighed, "you're right, Sammy. I guess it makes sense. Just wasn't expecting it. I thought all I would be doing is dance." Squeezing my hands she shrugged and moved away toward the refrigerator. "What do you want for dinner?" was the next question and the end of the conversation.

After a rather decent dinner of pasta with salmon, accompanied by a rocket salad, we were comfy in our pyjamas and sprawled on the couch. We had begun watching one of Tess's favourite Doctor Who episodes, The Girl in the Fireplace, and were sharing one of the many blocks of chocolate she had brought home. All in all, Tess was doing her comfort food and TV routine and I was a very willing participant, both of us addicted to pasta and chocolate as well as having rather impressive crushes on a certain Mr Tennant.

Part way through the episode, just after the "I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!" scene, Tess sighed, "How do you do it, Sammy?"

Surprised a little by the randomness I turned to her, "Do what now?"

"How do you do it? Kiss someone you don't know or feel anything for?" her eyes were lowered from the screen, looking into the teacup she held. Oh, we had returned to this. I took a breath.

"You just pretend. I mean that is what acting is, pretending you are someone else, living someone else's story." I cocked my head at her, waiting for her to look at me. She didn't though. She continued looking into her teacup. "This is really bothering you, isn't it love? What's wrong? Is the bloke horrible?" I probed. Tess sighed again and looked up at the screen blankly. The light played over her features, her dark eyes and hair illuminated.

"No. He is actually quite lovely," she said, "I just don't understand how you can kiss someone with no feeling. Or what if you have feelings for someone else and you have to kiss this stranger? Or what if you do have feelings for the person you are going to kiss, they don't know and in effect that is your first kiss? I can't imagine having a pretend kiss as a first kiss!" All of this came out in a rush of words, and emotion. Oh, my sweet Tessy, hopelessly romantic.

"So, you like this fellow then?" I asked, surprising myself with my feeling of disapproval. I hadn't heard about any new interest.

Tess rounded on me, "That is what you focus on? No! No, not like that. He is just nice. Ugh! I haven't made myself clear have I?"

"I admit I am a little confused here. Are you saying you don't think you can kiss someone without having feeling or emotion attached? You can't pretend?"

"Why would I ever want to pretend to want to kiss someone or pretend the feelings of a kiss?"

"For money," I chuckled.

"That makes it sound cheap, Samuel." She scowled at me disapprovingly, "I don't think I can do it."

I sighed this time. I had to make this easier somehow. Inspiration came to me in a rush. "Do you remember you once told me that you imagine there are certain people in your audience to get specific emotions out of your dancing?"

"Well, yes," Tess answered. I could tell she was wondering where this was going.

"Do the same for this. Imagine you are kissing someone you have always wanted to kiss. Like the lovely Tenth Doctor there," I suggested, nodding at the screen, "let the emotion of that come out in a kiss, rather than a dance." I thought I was awfully clever.

"Imagine kissing someone I already have some sort of attraction to? Imagine it is them?"

"Yes!" I grinned broadly.

Tess looked doubtful, "Hmmmm. Maybe?"

"Seriously Tess, I think this could work. Why don't you try it?"

"Mmmm, I guess, it could work."

"Well then?"

"Well then what?" Tess’s eyebrow arched.

"Try it!"

"I will, when I have to," Tess said resignedly.

"No, now," I said, feeling exceptionally clever now.

"Now?" she asked, confused.

"Yes, now. Try it on me."

"Excuse me?" the tone of disbelief obvious from Tess.

"Try it on me!" I was practically bouncing on my seat, wanting to see if it would work. "I would have to be the safest person on the planet for you to try this with."

Tess didn't look convinced, actually she looked pale, or was it the TV light?

"I don't know, Sammy," she said softly, shaking her head.

"Oh, Tessie! How bad could it be? Kissing your gay, actor best friend whilst pretending he is David Tennant or whoever you imagine dancing for when you do those sexy gooey moves of yours?" I asked flippantly, giggling. She dropped her gaze from me as I said all this. It was then that I realised that she had moved away from me slightly. Oh dear, I screwed it up. I leant forward and took her hand.

"Tess? How bad could it be? You trust me. I trust you. I pretend to enjoy kissing and making love to women on a regular basis. Why don't we both imagine snogging our David?" I suggested gently, but grinning all the same. Tess wouldn't look at me. "Love?" I asked, rubbing the back of her hand with my thumb. Tess squeezed my hand slightly, bringing her gaze back up to meet mine.

"Alright," she said softly, "but..."

"But, what, my love?"

She sighed and looked down at the space between us, shaking her head, "nothing."

"Brilliant," I smiled at her and slowly moved a hand to her cheek and brushed it gently. She was always so soft. I didn't want to scare her. I hoped whoever was in line to kiss her would show the same care. Tess leant her face into my hand, eyes closing. I wondered at how she had remained single for so long, she was so beautiful, full of passion and life. I may be biased. I adored her.

Moving forward slightly, I brought her face closer so I could kiss her cheek softly as I had done so many times before. I continued small, gentle kisses that lead to the corner of her mouth, where I stopped. "Tess?" She opened her eyes at this, looking into mine, so close. My breath caught slightly as I asked, "OK?" She nodded almost imperceptibly, but I felt it nonetheless. I watched as her eyes closed. Leaning in to her face and body I kissed the corner of her mouth again, feeling her lips part under mine. Pulling back only slightly I looked at her entire face, such beauty and trust being held in my hand. I brought my other hand to her face, cupping it. Taking one last look at my Tess, I closed my eyes as my mouth closed on hers.

It started as soft pecks on Tess's lips, which she responded to and returned. Her hands moved to rest on my chest. Confident she wouldn't push me away I moved one of mine from her face to rest on the curve of her waist, applying a gentle pressure to encourage her to move closer as I shifted forward. Tess wriggled towards me, our legs bumping awkwardly. Stopping at that point would have been a mistake, so I pressed my lips more firmly against hers, pulling gently at them. As I did this I ran my hand from Tess's waist down her leg to her knee, hooking it over mine to find a more comfortable position for us both. Our bodies were now much closer and I could find the leverage I wanted to kiss her properly. My hand returned to her hip and I squeezed gently, Tess's pelvis tilting into my movement. I felt one hand fist in my shirt, the other in my hair as we simultaneously opened our lips to each other, our tongues tentatively exploring.

To say that the wave of heat that ran through my entire body was both a shock and a surprise would be an understatement. I felt my chest constrict in an excruciating pleasure as our lips and tongues worked together and the kiss intensified. I have to admit I had not thought about pretending to kiss any man when I started this little exercise. Mindful of Tess’s anxiety, I was focused on her. I wanted to let her know it was safe to do this on stage.

Quickly I became mindful of the fact that I was kissing a very real Tess. My chest ached from the glorious feeling of her in my arms, her body against me, our tongues and lips locking together. This was beyond anything I could have possibly imagined. More than anything I had ever felt with anyone, particularly a woman. I couldn't get close enough to her. I moved my hand behind her hip, pulling her toward me, guiding her leg to wrap around me. She didn't hesitate in my hands, practically sitting on my lap. Bringing my hand up to her face again my thumb brushed across damp skin. Oh no, Tess!

My lips moved to trace the trail of tears across her jaw and cheek, moving through the saltiness to rest at the corner of one her eyes. In my arms she shook as she exhaled, hands moving over my shoulders, hiding her face in my neck. My hold tightened.

"Tessy? Love?" I asked. Silence and hands pulsing in fists in the shirt at my back was the only response. That, and a soft whimper. Slowly, pulling my head back I attempted to get her to look up. No success.

Very gently I took her face in my hands for which I was gifted with soft nuzzling and kisses to the palms of my hands. My stomach flip-flopped at the sensation. It was my turn to whimper, which finally got her to look at me. I frowned at her expression. Tess looked at me in a new way. I knew her well enough to see uncertainty, confusion, and concern? I also saw a shadow of the expression she held when she was dancing, that look that mesmerised her audience. There was something new though, something raw that hit me with another wave of want and need. This was not making a whole lot of sense. We were both silent for a few beats.

“Oh, God, Sammy! I’m sorry!” her hand coming up to cover her swollen lips, looking scared. She shook her head. “I…guh… I don’t know…” She retrieved her other hand and made to move away. I couldn’t let it happen. Before she managed to pull out of my hands I took her sweet lips again. I shuddered as my tongue entered her mouth, her hands returning to my back, gripping and urging our bodies closer together. Oh good Lord, this was bliss. My brain went blank, my body simply responding, chest fit to burst and the area south was letting us both know exactly how I felt.

My arms now holding her head and body firmly against my own, I eased her back down onto the couch til we were laying side by side, my body half covering hers. Not once did the momentum of the kiss change. Not once did she hesitate in my arms. The trust was overwhelming and reassuring. Very slowly we left each others mouths, realising that we were both slightly oxygen deprived, and a little giddy in our hypoxia. Her fingers threaded through my hair, nails gentle on my scalp. I lifted my face, taking in the woman underneath me in a very different way.

“Please tell me that wasn’t some sexy Scotsman you were snogging,” I said as I placed little kisses along her jaw towards an earlobe. Happily, I can say it earnt a giggle.

“No, no sexy Scotsman. Just a very beautiful young Englishman, who has a mouth like sin,” she proclaimed quietly pulling a little at my hair in her hands, the sensation making me buck slightly against her. Her eyes narrowed a little at this, scanning my face. “Sammy?”

“Yes, my love?” I responded, feeling the weight of that particular term of endearment in a different way. I meant it with all my heart whenever I said it, but it took on a new meaning now.

“What just happened?”

“We kissed, Tessy. You and I kissed. Each other,” I stated simply, looking down at her. She frowned at this, making to speak when I stopped her with a brush of my lips. “I think the question that is perhaps more pertinent is 'What IS happening?’ Tess. But I don’t know that we should let your habit of over-analysing everything near this, right now,” I said as I returned to kissing her jaw and started on her neck.

“But…ungh,” she replied, arching underneath me as I nibbled along her neck. I was going to have to remember that. “Samuel, please!” she cried, frustrated, in more than one way I believe. I gave in and very reluctantly lifted my mouth from her neck.

“But what?”

“But I’m not...”

“You aren’t what, Tess?” I sighed. I knew exactly what she was getting at, and it was obvious to anyone who knew me that this was not something I would do, normally. For some time now I had identified as being gay. I liked men. I loved men. I had sex with men. Relationships with women were not unknown to me and certainly had not been distasteful, they just hadn’t worked for me the same way.

This was Tess, my Tess. I liked Tess. I loved Tess. Right now it would make me insanely happy to make love to Tess. ‘Having sex with Tess’ sounded too crude. Was I confused? Absolutely! But was what I was feeling real?

Definitely.

“You aren’t a man. No. You are a woman. Yes,” I said. “Now can we move on from the bleeding obvious and get to the important part?” I asked. “Because gender is not the important bit.” Tess was silent. I had her attention. Gently pulling her onto her side proper, we lay together facing each other, equal. Well, apart from her leg I had lain over my hip because I was really liking the feel of her wrapped around me. But I digress.

“Tess. My love,” smiling as I said this, “the important bit is you and me. I think you and I have always been beyond gender, beyond friendship. It doesn’t matter that you are a woman. What matters is that you are Tess. You are the most beautiful, exotic, precious thing on the planet to me. Not to mention damn sexy. I love you.” There was no response. Tess lay there just looking at me calmly. This is when I realised that maybe I was saying too much. That’s it Samuel, just lay it all out there. Let’s just assume she feels the same way, idiot. I opened my mouth to recover some sense of dignity, if it were possible, when fingertips gently shushed my lips.

A smile began to form on Tess’ face, til it became a broad grin, making her eyes sparkle. “You think I’m sexy?” she asked, smirking.

“That is what you focus on? Yes, I think you are sexy!” I countered, laughing, burying my face in her hair, scent and body. Revelling in her soul. My Tess.


End file.
